Pirates not welcome at CinemaCon

In the pantheon of mechanised observational devices, you’d think that Cyclops (b. 1980), arbiter of many a crucial point over the years at the Wimbledon tennis championships, would surely rank above the unassuming PirateEye.

That said, it would take a brave soul to risk falling foul of the latter, whose latest incarnation unveiled in Las Vegas on Monday [28] by CinemaCon managing director Mitch Neuhauser.

As Neuhauser went through the usual housekeeping announcements prior to a summer preview hosted by Paramount, DreamWorks and Marvel Studios, he warned attendees of a new piece of kit that would suss out counterfeiters in seconds.

We didn’t see the PirateEye for the whole three hours. It was, we were told, located behind the arras, ready to pounce on an errant transgressor like a cobra coiled up in a boot.

By the end of the session, with neither a squeak nor a malfunctioning light display to keep us amused, PirateEye had succeeded in its mission of deterrence. I’m not sure it even exists.

During the presentation we watched excerpts from Thor, Captain America: The First Avenger, Kung Fu Panda 2,Puss In Boots and Super 8.

The High Priest of 3D Jeffrey Katzenberg rocked up to unload a few superlatives and introduce footage from DreamWorks Animation’s Kung Fu Panda 2 and Puss In Boots.

JJ Abrams, Chris Hemsworth and Jack Black bounded on stage separately to speak about their movies. It’s safe to say Hemsworth, a charismatic Aussie who played Captain Kirk’s father in Abrams’ Star Trek, will enjoy a healthy female following throughout his career. The rest of us will have to settle for the attentions of PirateEye.